A time for everything.

I've been really busy.

Tons of work to do, personal matters to attend to, among others.

Surprisingly now, as i wait for my client to call on me for a dinner meeting here at a secluded island in Vietnam, i found ample time to actually sit back, relax and finally blog.

My mom used to tell me to always find time for myself (something which i haven't been observing the last few months i was working myself to death) and that am still young and i should enjoy life more.

Come to think of it, i guess she's right.

i wouldn't want to experience yet another burn out.

But what can i do? i've always been a workaholic.

Nontheless, from this time on, i vow not to burden myself so much.

Indeed there's a time for everything. and everyone including myself.

Maybe i should add this as one of my favorite sayings. It might do wonders.

I think i should set a schedule for myself daily e.g. 1 hour for meditation, 3 hours for family chat, 2 hours for coffee with friends and the like.

And for God's sake, i haven't had a decent blog entry for two months!!!

I can even insert baking and interior design classes if i wanted to.

Now that's the operative word: i must want it. as badly as i want to work to earn a decent living.

But more than wanting a break, i actually need it.

suggestions will be most welcomed.

Confessions of a SHOEpaholic: Praia Frenzy

Yup, i confess.

I love shoes. So much.

Call it my Cinderella fetish or whatsoever, i just couldn't care less.

There's something about buying a pair that really stands out which gives me a natural high.

Slipping them on is simply one orgasmic experience. 

For those who have known me for the longest time, this isn't exactly something new.

Through the years, i think i have more than 80 pairs, so

me of which i have given away due to lack of space

 (imagine the horrendous sight underneath my bed.)

And to date, i'm still buying. 

And i'd like to show you my latest find.

I stumbled upon it while strolling at Marina Mall in Singapore. I came across this funky store called UrbanMale shop, which sells eccentric looking tees and accessories.

While i was browsing through their merchandise

, with the salesman following my every move, speaking in broken english as he encourages me to buy everything i touch, my peripheral vision caught a prized catch: a pair of brightly colored sandals .

Like a predator narrowing down on a prey, i practically dropped

 the wallet i was looking at and proceeded to the sandals section, where a number 

of brightly colored strappy sandals where hanged. 

I don't believe we've been introduced, i silently told my newly found interest.

My eyes shifted to the label on the side: Brazilliano Praia.

Nice name. Even nicer looks. 

I immediately grabbed one pair, looked at the size and then smiled. 

Slipping on the size 9 brought me to cloud 9 

in an instant.

Voila. It was a perfect fit. 

The colorful rubber straps and comfortable soles made the stylish sandals worth every penny (at SGD49.75, roughly around P 1,500)

I love it.

But i also love the other colors available.

Sensing my dilemma, the salesman said:

"If you buy 3 pairs you'll get 1 for free."

It was music to my ears. I resisted the urge to hug and kiss him.

Mentally i did a quick computation of my remaining budget. Fate was definitely on my side when my gimmick got cancelled the night before. I have enough money to spare. 

Serendipity really knows how to help me find my perfect match. 

Traveling 3 hours via plane was definitely well worth it. 

Without wasting anytime, i chose the four i liked and gave my money to the extremely pleased sales man (whom i assumed would get commissions, since the store manager gave him a pat on the back).

Carrying a huge bag, i spent the rest of the day strolling around, unmindful of hunger, while happily carrying my newest addiction.

When i first wore those sandals here, i already got several inquiries from friends and loved ones as to where i got them.

I smiled to myself, knowing that i made a good decision. 

My sandals may not be as popular as the gladiator types around now...but they can definitely give any pair stiff competition. 

See to appreciate. Buy to experience orgasm. 

Directions, anyone?

These past few days, i have been quite restless.

Maybe because i felt that i was in the middle of a crossroad...with no where to go.

You know how much i hate the feeling of being trapped and helpless.

But it seems that no matter how hard i try to shrug things off and hope for the best, i can't really fake it.

I am affected with the stressful long wait.

But my faith in Him keeps me going.

You 

would be amazed to know that i pray 2x as much as before. Yup, for those who knew me, that's quite a lot (since i have always been religious, so to speak).

It's only in prayer, during my quiet dialogues with Him, that i find comfort and assurance, that i would eventually rise above these challenges and be the best that i can be.

It is only through prayer that my heart, mind and soul are able to move on freely and continue life's journey.

It is only through prayer that i am able to reach out once more to a part of myself i have nearly forgotten. 

It is only through prayer that i am surviving.

I decided to blog about this because i want to share to other people the power of prayer. 

I've always believed in signs...and i know that eventually i would get what i was asking for.

I lift up everything to Him, thy will be done. 

He knows what's best; i can only ask for so much.

But i trust Him fully. 

Where hope ends, prayer begins. 

Opens new doors and new perspectives in life.

Just like what it did to me recently.

I began to appreciate all the things i have taken for granted. 

To see things on a different light. 

To realize that there's so much more to life.

To give what is due.

I am at the middle of the crossroad now.

But i know He will help me continue with my journey in the best way He knows.

Pray for me guys. 

Coffee over Crisis

It was indeed an eye opener for me.I just got back from my trip to Singapore to attend to a business deal (for those asking, yes, fortunately it was successful).

I was lucky enough to stumble upon a group of young enthusiastic Filipinos in search for their dream jobs. Most of them came from various call centers in the Philippines. Some, from industries i never even heard of.

Despite their different personalities (i just love diversity) , all of them shared one trait in common though: they were all resilient. Even though they encountered many rejections in the process of applying for various jobs not even 

related to their fields, they still managed to bounce back and smile at everything that has happened. 

I, being by myself in this particular trip, decided to tag along with them in their job-hunting sprees. Under the excruciating heat of the sun and the discriminating eyes of prospective employers, we travelled from one district to another, via train, bus or if our funds were already short, just by walking. I thought i would gain weight when i travelled to 

Singapore as i dearly loved their Chicken rice and Ben and Jerry's ice cream. However, my wanting to fit in and make them feel that they are not alone in the struggle overwhelmed my cravings.

But it was all worth it. I gained new friends. Friends who introduced me to 

a different lifestyle i have yet to experience while based here in the Philippines. They opened my eyes to the fact that i need not have my usual  Starbucks Venti Iced White Chocolate mocha to make my day complete (ok, i did have one with their blessings, at SGD7 

for one serving, which i tried to consume as slowly as possible to prolong the orgasmic moment). They made me realize how lucky i was to be able to win the hearts of my business prospects, with them asking me to join them in the future to the point of sending all the requirements for my E-pass (quite a rarity for foreigners, as Singapore is in a state of recession as well). They made me realize how important it was to have friends amid crisis...people who would push you up when you feel that the entire world crushed underneath your feet.

I sincerely wish all of them well. As for me, if given a chance to once again, visit them and help them out in their struggles, i would. And i promise to treat all of them to a cup of good old Killiney coffee (affordable at SGD1.20)...to assure them that everything will be all right. And to perk them up on their way to yet another unforgettable journey in search of

 their dream job in the most modern city of Asia where the Merlion reigns supreme. 

South Bitch

Yes, dieting can indeed be such a painful experience.

 Four days ago, after mustering enough will power, i have decided to go on a South Beach Diet.

With a guaranteed minimum weight loss of 8lbs in two weeks, i found reason enough to donate the remaining chocolate bars in my ref to my willing staff members.

I chanced upon a very attractive package from the Sexy Chef at Gold's Gym (see previous post) and got interested immediately after the counter girl managed to answer all my questions in a manner that would rival even the toughest competition in Bb. Pilipinas.

At first i couldn't really see myself starving to death, but after realizing how near summer was and the fact that trendy clothes come in much smaller sizes nowadays to fit those damn metrosexual style icons, then perhaps, i thought, it was time for me to take 

a plunge.

Before i knew it, my meals were delivered one day before actual consumption. They were packed in tightly sealed containers which you can just reheat. At first i

 was up for veggies galore but lo and behold, i nearly broke down in tears of joy when i saw chocolate pudding and beef in my menu. 

The meals were quite sumptuous, contrary to popular belief that diet meals tasted like sand. 

However, i have to admit that initially, i felt hungry. And that i have become temperemental in the process (imagine a lion not fed in weeks), both effects of which are but normal, which would last up to 7 days. I told myself, i won't set any client meeting nor come out of my office room often so that my staff won't have to suffer my rage brought about by hunger and 

my vanity.

I actually weighed myself prior to starting on my diet. Admittedly i have lost a lot of weight by going to the gym (from a huge 187lbs, am down to 164lbs, just fit for my 5'9 fram

e), but am looking forward to losing more. 

And with 9 days left, i think i can actually survive this. Imagine, 2 weeks straight of not eating out and no coffee is too much for someone like me to bear. 

But with people constantly telling me that i've lost weight already....i think i can actually face the next 9 days smiling.

i will give you guys updates afterwards. I'd rather not dwell on the ill effects right now because am still on a highly bitchy mode.  

This is a pic taken before my South Beach Diet during my hosting stint at Puerto Galera last february 4. At a healthy 164lbs. I wonder how i'll look like at the beach after my two weeks of suffering. haha. Stay tuned. 

Undeniable Equation

P 6,500 application fee.

10-fold requirements.

5 hours waiting in line.

2 instant passport pictures.

1 short, abruptly ended interview.

0 U.S. Visa.

Yup, my U.S. Visa application got denied. I still haven't had the faintest idea why, though it struck me that the interviewer kept on mentioning that i planned to migrate to the states. I wonder why.

BUt surprisingly, am taking this lightly. Maybe because when things go wrong, i know that they will be blessings in disguise. Luck can be so playful at times indeed.

Let's look at the bright side: i wouldn't have to spend thousands of dollars for my initially planned three weeks stay at my friend's place in Michigan. That's a whole lot of savings for me. Plus i don't have to worry anymore about how to tell my client's that i can be reached instead at around 12MN (Philippine Time) for the next 21 days. haha.

See, it ain't that bad. Really.

I just hope whatever comes my way next will be better.

A Canadian Visa perhaps? haha.

Sentiments

Now, i feel empty. It just struck me.

You are no longer here. 

You chose to be alone when i wanted to reach out and help you ease the pain of what you're going through.

You chose to shed tears behind my back not wanting to worry me more. Nonetheless, seeing you by yourself hurt even more.

You chose to drift away, thinking that it would do us wonders and allow us to grow on our own.

            But how can that be when i spent the last 19 months nurturing a love which i thought was worth all the pain and tears?

How can you let go that easily when you were the one who told me that you will never trade me for anyone else in this world?

That you would search for me no matter where it takes you just to have me in your arms for always?

That you will love me not for the rest of my life, but for the rest of yours?

That you will always be mine?

Yes, I am hurting. Crying my heart out till it hurts so much. 

Perhaps the pain will eventually make me numb, unmindful of the uncertainty that faces me.

I told you i perfectly understood your reasons.

I had to fool myself into thinking such.

I merely wanted to please you. To give you what you wanted. Simply because i felt that would be the best way to show my love...to let go amid the pain.

To smile underneath my tears and try to look and sound ok.

   

To simply make things easier for you...even if it kills me in the process.

But worry not, for i am taking time to grieve.

Maybe someday we will both heal.

Maybe someday our paths will cross again.

But the big question is...will our hearts still be beating then?

Or will have they perished longing for the once seemingly perfect love they kept alive.

Longing 

for that never ending promise made atop the Grotto at Baguio, for all the 252 steps to witness.

Longing 

for having to call someone Mine again.

But until that happens, i will just try to move on with my life normally. Take time to cry once in a while perhaps. Or smile at the fond memories you've left behind.

Yes, I'm keeping the ring you gave me. 

For perhaps, that's the one thing that will keep our love alive in my mind and heart. 

And that's more than enough for me.

To help me look at tomorrow in a different light.

And realize that something good will arise from all these. 

With this in mind, there can never be sad goodbyes.

Only happy beginnings. 

As the song goes: 

" This time we'll be sweeter."