Sentiments

Now, i feel empty. It just struck me.

You are no longer here. 

You chose to be alone when i wanted to reach out and help you ease the pain of what you're going through.

You chose to shed tears behind my back not wanting to worry me more. Nonetheless, seeing you by yourself hurt even more.

You chose to drift away, thinking that it would do us wonders and allow us to grow on our own.

            But how can that be when i spent the last 19 months nurturing a love which i thought was worth all the pain and tears?

How can you let go that easily when you were the one who told me that you will never trade me for anyone else in this world?

That you would search for me no matter where it takes you just to have me in your arms for always?

That you will love me not for the rest of my life, but for the rest of yours?

That you will always be mine?

Yes, I am hurting. Crying my heart out till it hurts so much. 

Perhaps the pain will eventually make me numb, unmindful of the uncertainty that faces me.

I told you i perfectly understood your reasons.

I had to fool myself into thinking such.

I merely wanted to please you. To give you what you wanted. Simply because i felt that would be the best way to show my love...to let go amid the pain.

To smile underneath my tears and try to look and sound ok.

   

To simply make things easier for you...even if it kills me in the process.

But worry not, for i am taking time to grieve.

Maybe someday we will both heal.

Maybe someday our paths will cross again.

But the big question is...will our hearts still be beating then?

Or will have they perished longing for the once seemingly perfect love they kept alive.

Longing 

for that never ending promise made atop the Grotto at Baguio, for all the 252 steps to witness.

Longing 

for having to call someone Mine again.

But until that happens, i will just try to move on with my life normally. Take time to cry once in a while perhaps. Or smile at the fond memories you've left behind.

Yes, I'm keeping the ring you gave me. 

For perhaps, that's the one thing that will keep our love alive in my mind and heart. 

And that's more than enough for me.

To help me look at tomorrow in a different light.

And realize that something good will arise from all these. 

With this in mind, there can never be sad goodbyes.

Only happy beginnings. 

As the song goes: 

" This time we'll be sweeter."